FrankHartzell.com

New Mexico
By day, he is Mr. Williams and she is Mrs. Williams, the substitute teachers known to all the students of the Alamogordo Public schools.

What I hear is that is why Conroy says his last name is Jones, and Camille goes by Smith, when mom and dad are teaching.

But Mr. Williams is an entirely different story, according to his homeland security file. There has been an investigation for two years of Mr. William’s association with a nighttime militiaman known as Severns Sannar. Homeland Security even tortured the manager of Kmart for more, only to find out they had the wrong store. The manager did confess to secret fantasies involving Martha Stewart and the underage assistant manager.

Authorities believe Severns may be seeking to corner the market on plastic BBs, possibly preparing for a plastic machine gun attack on the nation’s passenger pigeon infrastructure.

He may have also been masquerading as an angry white male in order to gain the trust of good flag waving rednecks.

Worse, Severns seems to have a secret plot involving junk cars, which he may be planning to use as anchors for his house when terrorists flood Southern New Mexico, in the final great plot of takeover the United States flushed out by the Bush Administration.

Once Homeland Security cracks the connection between the evil Severens and the secretive Williams, the nation can once again feel safe.

Despite his well documented diabolical intentions, Williams poses as a family man with a fun loving son and a bright daughter. Homeland Security knows better. Mrs. Williams speaks funny foreign languages, including Korean, so the bomb can’t be far behind all this. In fact, it may be in the trunk of one of those junk cars!

He can’t fool Homeland Security! Of course Williams is a common name (part of his diabolical plot no doubt) so when agents came to search, they ended up in the wrong place twice, chased by the Stevie Williams junkyard dog on the first occasion and, on the second occasion, finding another Mr. Williams was off with somebody named Mr. Smith, and Mrs. Williams was off with Mrs. Jones. This really confused and traumatized the agents, who had to return to headquarters to gain fortitude by listening to Rush Limbaugh, who sadly enough had just found a new drug dealer named Mr. Williams.

But is it any wonder that these two shadowy figures both live in Alamogordo where they and the rest of their cell can get their hands on giant, unarmed nuclear missiles from the 1950s. Be vigilant!

I finish this with a little poem:

On the road I met critters three:
One round, one thin, one quite hairy
One would hide in his shell when earthquake and hurricane came
One couldn’t fix his Chevy pickup but felt no shame
A third lunched on a scorpion, then acted quite tame
From the Southwest we fled and from these critters dread
Yet we miss the travelers now, and hope back to them we are led!